Dealing with the disappointment of letting yourself down

We all have been there. Things are not going how we had hoped, we have tried to give it our best effort with little to show for it, we really thought things would be better than this, and other forms of disappointment. Some of the most difficult disappointments are the ones I create for myself. What can we do when that judgmental face staring us down is our own?

It’s been a few months since I started this blog as part of a plan to open a window to connect the professional and personal sides of my identity and see where it takes me. On any given day, I have a very long list of expectations of myself and very few items get crossed off. I might be at like a 25% completion rate on average, which may sound totally ridiculous for people who follow my actual activities and accomplishments. Truth is, despite decades of personal work, I can’t seem to stop that part of me that is constantly adding to the list. So I’ve shifted tactics and started working to change how I deal with the list altogether, all while accepting the writer of lists for who she is: an engine of ideas and ambitions who is never responsible for carrying anything out!

Facing down your own disappointment requires courage and compassion. Some of the time it may take a call from a friend who thinks the world of you, or reliving those moments when you are truly being your best self. When I am beating myself up over paying a bill late, forgetting back to school night, not getting all my tasks completed for the day, snapping at my child, or reaching for that second helping of Cherry Garcia–it helps to catch myself and ask, “What would I tell my friend if she was in this situation?” Most of the time, I would be quick to offer a word of encouragement, to help her put things in perspective, to “right size” her so-called failure, and also remind her of all her good qualities. Funny how easy it is to be a friend to others, while being a toxic influence on yourself. So next time when you catch yourself drowning in negative self-talk, think about yourself as friend in need. Write a letter to that friend, or just talk to her in the mirror. I promise you will be better off living a life of abundant grace and mercy than remaining on that throne of judgement.